The Law is Getting Closer

I am mashing up my defense. I was ticketed for speeding and making an illegal right hand turn at a four-way intersection. The infractions were on a Sunday morning as I was returning from a 400 mile road trip that included an Olympic distance triathlon in Chelan, WA and a visit to see Phish at the Gorge, near George, Washington. I was driving a beautiful Kia Soul as my 2003 Ford Ranger with 160K was in the shop for new brakes and alignment work. Such dour irony. 

Despite the nugacity of the victimless crimes, the unlimited visibility and the fact that I was the only car and driver on the road that fateful August morning, the Sate Patrol officer, in an un-marked car and hiding in the bushes determined, on video, that I was caught red-handed and stood deserving of the $300 penalty. He, encouragingly, made dramatic mention of the fact that I could pay on-line with the County’s wonderful new program of credit card payment. 

My defense is what used to be called guilty with explanation. I don’t know if they call it that anymore but it comes as close as anything to the reality of the circumstance. I WAS going 50 in a 35 and I DID make a rolling turn through the four-way. WHY?

Because I was blissfully almost home from a wild weekend and not attentive to the rule of law? Because I have traveled this route a thousand times and know every 5% grade and arterial anomaly like the back of my hand? Because my house was on fire? Because I really needed to take a pee? 

Probably not. 

The best I can come up with, and help me out here if you have a better strategy, is three fold:

1) I can hope that the officer doesn’t show up to represent the County. Case dismissed. 

2) I can claim indigence, citing my jobless status and fixed income, a pittance solely from SSI. Hmmmmm.

3) I can ask for leniency and differed prosecution and pledge to never repeat my heinous crimes. 50/50 at best. 

Hope, own and ask. Somewhere this is a tried and true defense tactic promoted by court ordered public defenders, but probably not here. Hope for the best, own the infraction and ask for, beg for, the mercy of the court. Any other strategy would most likely get me in even hotter water. Maybe I could ask for community service? That is a fourth option. I could wash and wax your car, your honor. 

My counsel has just advised that our best chance is number one, and that I should probably quit writing this blog and go get a job.

And use your mirrors more often, the law is getting closer.