A Satisfactory Relationship

78.

Our quarters are standard fare, a hybrid of utilitarian simplicity and severe feng shui. Every base promotes its native flora as an artistic reminder of the surrounding culture, in the IO it was the palm tree, in Japan the bamboo, here in Colorado it is the Blue Spruce. I am greeted by its high alpine scent as I enter my room, toss my backpack on one bed and collapse onto the other. My debrief begins in ninety minutes. I go straight into my deep breathing routine, forcing relaxation and orchestrating a symphonic metabolic ritardando. It is in during these movements that I empirically see the value of the quick debrief as the last muscle to get the ‘relax and restore’ memo is my brain. It wants to review, reconsider and replay every notable event that preceded this temporary respite. The technique with which I have had the most success is a stillness meditation practice where all my relaxed focus is on an eternal flame gently burning atop a single golden candle. I am out in five minutes. 

The knock comes with almost criminal intent. Sitting upright I look at my watch and walk towards the door to address the purp. Davis greets me with a toothy smile hiding the piss and vinegar from a full night's sleep. 

“Good morning sir, trust you had a good flight and an effective power nap, we’ll start your debrief in fifteen minutes, by the time you get out of the shower a coffee cart will magically be waiting for you. We’ll meet in Conference Room B right down the hall. I am going now to get set up.” 

“Good to see you too,” I say in a voice thick with fatigue. 

Saunders has played the same part with Maria. As Davis and I are exchanging details of the events, Saunders and Maria will do likewise. The thought crosses my mind that all this gathering of semi-objective fact might go for an interesting collective ex post facto read. Lord knows I did my part in keeping the adrenaline flowing. I chuckle to myself as I picture Julie, yellow highlighter in her left hand, fastidiously pointing out nouns for checking, verbs for vetting and adjectives for deletion, all the joyful work of a forensic editor-in chief and lifelong fan of Doyle, Christie and Dick. With sinister cunning I plot a sentence or two that lets her know that I am on to the game. 

We start the process, coffee jump-starting the effort with high-octane lubrication. I am somewhat surprised at my response to the infusion of sugar, blackberry and fried dough as the tart confection stings the back of my tongue in a most pleasant way. We have begun, video cameras rolling and legal notepads at the ready. This is not the first rodeo fire-fight for either of us so in less than the time it takes to rope a nervous calf, we are ankle deep. 

Davis is good - asking the pertinent questions that make the exercise of high value. I stumble at first but reach a stasis in the objective first person narrative after a few misfires. By the time we get to the break-out, hostage-taking ruse I feel like I know my audience with intimate familiarity leading them towards a satisfying and factual conclusion. Sensing this, Davis asks for some detail. This is the nitty-gritty. He asks me why I considered risking a minor’s life with a plan having less than a fifty-fifty chance at success. 

“As I relayed to TOM at the time, I thought it to be or best play. I sensed that the girl, Vi Hayes at the time, possessed several of the qualifications and attributes necessary for a plant. I gave her the opportunity to make a decision under duress that would, in my estimation, answer the question as to her willingness to engage in a covert operation against her former employers.” 

“That was the three item note delivered as she lay prone on the cell floor as a guard was subdued.” He asks for clarification. 

“Yes, she was aware of the risk and ramification of her choice, and she decided, with her toes in the fire, to gamble on us.” I say.

“I suppose the area I am curious about, specifically with this isolated incident, is why. Why would she, already having the offer of immunity and witness protection gamble that away on anything else, especially when she had so little detail on the new deal?” He astutely asks. 

“In my opinion, because she has that one thing that all of us share, the mysterious motivation asking, commanding, us to be a part of a higher calling, to find meaning and risk everything in the fight for the truth. I think she wanted association with a group, a team, a cause, so badly that she was willing to sign up with terrorists simply because they offered a cathartic sense of family, of belonging to something. As a result I felt that she would make a perfect asset for us and so began to work towards flipping her, where she demonstrated an incredible aptitude for improvisation and grace under fire as we proceeded. Also I asked her to trust me.” 

“To trust you?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s take a break,” he suggests.

His suggestion at this point suggests to me that he has yet to achieve a satisfactory relationship with that very issue.