I had grandiose plans for the campaign launch. A fairly simply fund raising, event promoting marketing event that would be, again, fairly easy and semi -inexpensive to execute.
Those of you who have dabbled in on-line printing know, that while comparatively easy and affordable, there are inherent challenges. It has been my experience that you get simple, middle-of-the-road standard fonts, say this one, Times, and cheesy clip-art graphics in the solid color of your choice with maybe a drop shadow, and that is it. Anything really special, unique, dangerous or edgy nine times out of ten fails. Yes you can upload a completed design from AI or PS but that defeats, usually, the simple and fast benefits such platforms as Vistaprint. com offer.
I tried my best to juxtapose my two logos onto a classic white coffee mug. I could not get the size right, big enough, because the on-line format would automatically scale it to max. And max in this case was not. Begrudgingly I accepted the design and waited with baited breath for my order to show up. Hoping that somehow the sizing issue and my vision would be miraculously fixed in transit. One of my other peeves with these companies is their shipping scam. Sure you can get decent pricing on shipping - but be prepared to wait - unless of course you pay for expedited shipping - through your freaking nose!
My meager order of mugs, six-dozen, shows up and I am again the butt of a cosmic ceramic joke. The logos are way too small and now I am not only out almost $500 but stuck with enough coffee mugs to get me through my next five lifetimes, because I cannot sell these things even if I had Joe fucking DiMaggio as official spokesperson.
The initial plan was to partner with a local coffee roaster. There are several to choose from here as this activity, along with craft breweries, are all the rage. If you roast it or brew it they will drink it once said Shoeless Joe.
This sad tale continues as my apathy grows with the passage of time. I have researched the roasters but procrastinate on the cold call. I speak with a local confectionery chef thinking that maybe a specially created chocolate treat would be a nice accompaniment to the coffee sample that will neatly fit inside my mugs. WHOA: NOW HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY? (I hear the pitchman say.)
We are running out of time. The first of the two rides is in thirteen days. Time to fart or leave the outhouse. And so I decide to act. Add the personal touch. Grab your favorite fat red sharpie and number the mugs on their bottom, next to the Made in China sticker from one to seventy-two. Forget about the coffee and chocolates.
For $11 you get the mug, a chance to sponsor a wholesome outdoor activity, and a one-in-seventy two chance to win the grand prize: YOUR CAR DETAILED BY ME!!!!!!
Drawing will be held on July 4.
I pitch my Monday morning class asking the twenty-two assembled how many would buy into this grandiose once-in-a-lifetime sponsorship opportunity.
EVERY SINGLE HAND GOES UP!
I am sitting atop my spin bike holding a sample mug (number one), seeing the smiles on all the happy faces as they pledge actual dollars to fund my bike trips. I look at the mug.
Suddenly the logos no longer seem too small.
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