Hang in There

Hang in there. 

Probably, most likely, almost assuredly in the all-time top ten idioms.

A quick search using the google tool informs me that I am correct, as ‘hang in there’ is used over twenty-file million times each day, around the globe, in one hundred and eleven languages. Interestingly, it has almost as many meanings and variations as usages, regardless of dialect, slang or regional colloquialism. Even the urban dictionary gives it linguistic respect. 

I bring it up here, today, for a simple reason. I used it this morning in a way, with connotation and conviction unlike the thousands of previous times it mechanically rolled off my tongue. 

Junior and I were about to begin our Friday morning lift session when he responded with more detail than usual over the seemingly innocuous question that routinely starts our work. A innocent, ‘how are ya feeling?’ 

He is sixteen and working through the usual challenges afflicting every adolescent male, a challenge augmented by the toxic home environment he currently toils under. Mom and Dad do not get along. Details of which is another story altogether, but full of the usual suspects; Addiction, guilt, immaturity, fear, vindictiveness, verbal abuse and money problems to call but a few to the lineup. 

He and his Dad had an argument last night and he wanted to talk about it. Not his typical MO so I gave him the floor encouraging a ‘get it off your chest’ exchange. 

He shared with me the run-up and the details of their ‘angry and emotional’ debate. When finished it was my turn and I wanted to make sure that two objectives would be met. One that I complimented him on his courage to speak, reinforcing again that all this is not any fault of his, and that two, I found some way to shine a positive light on the struggle of his father, my brother. 

We had a good talk, almost forty minutes. I complimented him on his intelligence, talent, character, bravery and honesty. Sensing that this was a tremendously important moment, I risked the rebuke and launched into the ‘meaning’ monologue. 

This is all a test. Like a game. Baseball, football, a french or trig test, interpersonal relationships, doing chores, expanding your knowledge base, anything and everything. It is life. And as I metaphorically ask my students on a regular basis, UNDER WHAT CONDITIONS WILL YOU QUIT? When the going gets tough, weird, scary or painful, when will you decide that it is time to toss the towel? Each of us has to deal with the issues confronting us, and when we do so with compassion, love, generosity, forgiveness and a spirit of assisting others, every act becomes a part of us, our character, who we are and who we wish to become. We can look at adversity and challenge as headaches and negatives, or we can step up and into the loving light of the growth process, allowing the circumstance to show ourselves to us like our reflection in a mirror. In other words, the worse that things are, the better our chance of learning their valuable lessons. How are we going to grow and learn if there are no tests along the way? This is a test. The only advice I can give to you is based on my experience with the same situation. Accept it, confront it with compassion and empathy, listen to your heart and respond to it with respect and peace. This is where the light of life shines most brightly. Every one wants you to succeed. You have my support and I got your back. You cannot fail. You can learn and grow, or try again, and again, until you receive the lesson, and ace the quiz. Forgiveness and gratitude, in my opinion, are the best tools for this job. If you can become a master craftsman with those two, you will succeed in any endeavor you choose, you will be able to build anything you can envision. That includes building the best you you have ever dreamed of. And I want to see that happen, I am honored to have a small part in it. Pragmatically, focus on what is in front of you. In school today, listen. When you play your guitar or bass clarinet, just play. When you read, just read. Take deep breaths and relax. You will be OK. 

It is time for him to shower, grab some breakfast and head out for the school bus. We had a good talk. We hug.

Hang in there.