OTOH

45.

On the other hand the flip side is equally compelling. If not for the demanding nature of our business I might have had a flourishing career as a Zen monk. That flip side of the warrior ethos is in continual play. As consistently as the moon rises each brutally honest assessment of my performance begs consideration and appreciation of the moon as it sets. It is the waxing and waning dichotomy of which War and Peace exemplifies. I am fully cognizant of the paradox. I know that to set my goals so ridiculously high, even to blaspheme them by use of the ‘perfect’ descriptor, is, perhaps - or perhaps not - missing the point. It should be considered that similar attempts at the impossible are sometimes seen as setting one’s self up for failure. I know this. We set bowling pins up for the sole purpose of knocking them down.

The flip side want’s me to accept my imperfections and stay anchored in the bliss of the present moment. It would like me to buy stock in the start-up whose tag-line is: “Nobody’s perfect - especially you.” The same humble marketing department of the same self-aware start-up wants me also to slow down, relax, breathe deep and smell the roses. They would like me to ride my bicycle with minimal effort and take in the bounty of beauty that surrounds us. They call life a symphony, a dance and a love story, when in our world it is rock ’n roll, a street brawl and a technical manual. Posters of an earlier, but equally conflicted, era were fond of suggesting that we make love and not war. But is the soldier, the sailor, the warrior subjected to their mutual exclusion? Is loving your enemy the epitome of foolishness or a practical oxymoron? I ponder these mini koans as I return to the proving grounds of focused training. 

It has been two days since our return from the field. One of them was entirely spent in deep REM. As we age, the body begins a deterioration process known as sarcopenia, the degeneration of muscle mass occurring at an average rate of 10-15% per year. If effective and consistent steps are not taken to face this physical reality head-on the condition worsens as physical exercise lessons and fat intake, usually in the form of comfort foods, increases. One soon ends up overweight, diabetic, with a reduced metabolism and lack of motivation. What I find particularly insidious is how the mind deals with the situation. We make excuses, compromise and argue on behalf of our limitations. “After all, I am retired and collecting social security,” we appeal, “I’ve earned the right to sit for an entire day, eat pizza and watch golf on the big screen.” Certainly the day will come when we are no longer able to run a mile in less than ten minutes, bench press a hundred pounds or swim across a river, but that day, for my purposes, is nowhere near. Additionally, there are things to be done. There will always be things to be done. In our line of work life is all about the things that need to be done. The stakes are higher today than they have even been in the history of our civilization. We have the technology, the industry and the tools required to create utopia or destroy the garden of Eden in which we currently reside. There has never been a time when we have so much to lose. 

I wonder where all this will end. What part in this natural progression I will play. I am a peacekeeper. The fact that it is more often than not necessary to employ a modicum of violence and bloodshed to make these peaceful ends meet is the paradox I internally debate on a daily basis. Recalling that the most loving and peaceful non-violent revolutionary to ever patrol this planet was convicted and hung on a cross to die a slow and painful death at the age of thirty-three reminds me that time plays a dramatic role in this. There are things to be done. And if we don’t do them, who will? If we don’t do them right now, when will we? 

“For the record,” I sing to myself, “riding my bike slow is beautiful, relaxing and stress-reducing.” I sigh with delight simply imagining this serene scenario. OTOH, “Sometimes we need to ride as fast as we can.”