Keep Digging

49.

Any worthwhile analysis should lead to a conclusion. This, TOM once explained, is the basis behind the painstakingly tedious debrief process. Seeing this, after years of stubborn resistance, as an opportunity rather than a performance review, opens a new set of beautiful French doors for me. Naturally I took the same operational formatting for my personal use, because no matter the level of brutal honesty that I offer in the process, there remains a thousand more gems hidden deep inside the vault of my secret files. The files no one sees, are never discussed and are assessable only to me. In other words, were the good stuff is. 

All the years spent in practice, each and every mission, case, assignment or operation, presentes an unique challenge. Using the Borg scale of perceived effort, one being comatose and ten being absolute top end, it has become standard operating procedure to review my personal involvement after the formal debrief. A two rating, as an example, could be a straight-forward who-done-it, some garden-variety follow the money white collar fraud or extortion gig, where the suits had thought themselves smarter than, or above, the law. A nine, using the same rating system, could be the tracking of a web of International terror cells united for a common malicious cause. These situations call for specific training, weapons and tactics, the use of which we are considered elite. Here, with the stakes as high as they get, the risk is massive and the margin for error minuscule. This is where the big lessons are learned and applied. All the field experience, the ongoing training in new, modern and technological weapons and tactics, keeps us in a ready state. And as stressful state as well. The debrief helps in getting to the message and abandoning the rest. As they often quote in Zen studies, “You only lose what you cling to.” This is the starting place of my X marks the spot dig. 

The accumulated wisdom of a thousand missions provides a solid foundation from which to drive my shovel into the rich soil of the soul. The answer, or perhaps simply another clue, is down here, hidden, protected, elusive. I am familiar with this routine. Dig, shovel full by shovel full, deeper and deeper, until pay dirt is hit. The secret I have found in this effort, practiced to the point of needing gloves to protect blistered hands and bloodied fingers, is, perhaps paradoxically, this:

Barring the fruitful mining of gemstones, gold, oil, buried treasure or the former tenant’s coffee cans filled with a fortune in doubloons, and after the tactical wins, losses or draws are evaluated, the take away always seems to point in the direction of two seemingly tangential elements. Those of staying focused and present at all times with the fierce intention of putting forth best effort. Interestingly, this always seems enough. It may be that a gentle reminder is all it takes. It may not solve the crime, or salve the situation, but it sure helps in understanding the pragmatic purpose of everything leading to, and stemming away from it. 

Those growing piles of dirt next to my personal digs represent the emotional, doubtful, fearful and anxious metaphorical by-products of the message.

The conclusion always recommends that I sharpen my shovel and keep digging.