Interestingly Similar

43.

I am considering the satisfaction whomever is assigned as editor must feel. Taking Julie’s deposition, the obligatory accounting of actual events as provided by six individuals, and noting the varying subjective differences among them, must be a fascinating psychological exercise. The degree of variance between Davis’ recounting and mine surely must be like comparing pineapples to bananas. Research has repeatedly demonstrated that any given event, say a dog getting hit by a car on a busy suburban street, will be witnessed, identified and remembered differently by as many people as are present at the scene of the incident. In our case, over the course of 48 hours, we witnessed enough carnage, drama, illegal activity, enemy action, criminal intent; mens rea, fire-fights, high speed chases, cries for help, subterfuge, deceit, hostage negotiations and felonious espionage to fill a hundred who-done-it true crime mass-market paperbacks. With the kicker being that each of the six testimonies are the result of each individuals combination of awareness, experience, comprehension and presence. Every one of the narratives will differ, sometimes substantially, as the process runs its obstacle course in the impossible attempt at total recall. 

This is where I snicker at the subtext. The paradoxical humor of Julie being assigned to debrief both Davis and myself is something that, as the trite parody suggests, something you can’t make up. The last time this scenario unfolded, what now seems like another lifetime but was actually less than six months, TOM immediately called to ask if I was OK.

“Sure, fine, why do you ask?”

“Your debrief indicates that you...are you sitting down?” TOM asks. 

“Sure, indicates what?”

“Well, that you display a chronic lack of empathy, guilt, conscience and remorse.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes and that’s the easy stuff. It also notes a tendency for shallow feelings, experiences and emotions.”

“Me?”

“You, and there’s more,” TOM continues with rare glibness. 

“Impulsivity and a weak ability to defer gratification and control conservative behavior.” 

“The report actually uses those words? Sounds more like a serial-killer than the bleeding-heart liberal snowflake that lives deep inside me.” I coyly counter.

“Yes, it occurs to me these traits, the very quiddity of their implications to a normal society, is exactly what makes you such a valuable asset.” 

“So I passed the test?”

“Aced it, as they say. Congratulations.”

“How did Davis do?” I ask, risking all street cred. 

“Let’s just say, interestingly similar.”