Descending Eagle

24.

With two of the three done, a delicious fast-food treat and a liter of water, I recline the seat to an almost horizontal level. The third is rest. I close my eyes but they refuse to stay shut. Too much to consider and too little time. The attendant has announced the updated arrival time to be less an hour. 

This will be the quintessential power nap, a necessity because at some point the effects of sleeplessness will manifest in the form of an error in judgment, a missed opportunity or a physical failure to perform. None of those are options. I take a deep breath and lower the curtains over my eyes on the exhale. This forced relaxation technique involves what is known as counting breaths. It serves a dual purpose of calming an imbalanced flow of hormones aroused by the external circumstances and forcing the body into a relaxed state. We have been trained to still the mind in the heat of battle, this tactic being one practiced and perfected under enormous duress. As good as I should be at it by now, the first few attempts always fail. It takes four or five efforts, returning to the start after each lesson, to reach the goal. I recognize success when two seemingly unrelated concepts appear on the heads-up display of my subconsciousness. 

Gratitude and forgiveness.

I feel a wave of respect, an almost angelic emotional appreciation of the here and now, no matter how dire, dangerous or disgusting it may be. This is my choice, my challenge and my salvation. I am grateful for the opportunity to serve in this capacity. I am honored by the trust that highly influential people, organizations and entire administrations have provided. I recognize that I am one of a handful of people currently walking the planet with the skill, experience, talent, gumption and desire to do this. I reaffirm the belief that while this line of work has a dark side, an underbelly of potential corruption, greed, deceit and can be profoundly immoral, I wear the white hat of justice and peace. In this I find solace, comfort and inspiration. Somebody has to stand up to terror, or we all suffer the ravages of tyranny and enslavement. I recall a powerful statement replayed on yesterday's news about how “Right Matters.” It does. 

The second element is forgiveness. I am breathing smoothly now, deeply and calm. I send awareness to my feet, relaxing them well past ordinary levels. I bring the focus up my body, feeling ankles, knees, glutes, quads and hamstrings, all still in recovery mode from the aborted hill repeat session. I feel my heartbeat and lungs expand. I let go of the stress I hold in my shoulders and neck. It occurs to me that no sentient being could remain agitated or angry in this condition. Let it go. Relax. Forgive. Forgive everyone. Forgive betrayal. Forgive the ignorance. Forgive the racism. Forgive the fraud. Forgive the violence. Forgive yourself for your non-forgiveness tendencies. This is not about revenge. 

The exercise has taken me to a place of silver repose. I feel as an eagle might soaring effortlessly with gentle thermals, lost in the bliss of a moving canvass painted with peace, truth and beauty. I see verdant fields, mountains of snow and rivers hurrying downstream. I see my brothers and sisters. And then a fire. I see her face.

TOM crashes the vision with a jarring crackle of distorted urgency. 

“We have an update from County General.” TOM announces, “Cap is critical, massive head trauma, coup-countercoup diffuse axonal from impact. He remains in a coma. Saunders is in post-op, fractured acetabulofemora joint and hip disambiguation. She will be fine but we need to get her to a secure location and debrief. Davis has the Team Five at the safe house, he thinks they are under surveillance. There is significant International chatter of strike. It appears we have might have been caught napping” 

“Again.” I say, unable to resist the irony. 

“Fast rope this Bogart. A fully prepped vehicle will meet you upon landing, GPS set. Get Saunders out and get her talking. We need some answers. Quick.”

“I will do my best sir.”

“We are grateful to have you on our side. Ask no permission, we will beg forgiveness afterwords.” 

“Roger that sir.”

I see the planets in perfect alignment as the eagle begins his descent.