Ownership on the Fly

There are precious few things for which I assume ownership. I rent. I borrow and I barter. But true ownership?

There is a modern spin on assuming responsibility for one’s actions that includes the political psychology of ‘taking ownership of’ one’s thoughts, actions and responses. To anything and for everything. Additionally, a few elite programs go as far as to suggest that taking ownership is the number one tactic to achieve status of seal, saint or what is referred to as the superior man in Chinese divination, what has been called ‘a release from a discredited science and rationalism…a relation between the individual and his worlds undreamt of in the schemes of social engineers.’ Own THAT sailor!

Obviously we are not talking about paying cash for a car and driving it away. What we are taking about - or could be depending on your point of reference - is everything else. Assuming responsibility for your health and fitness, your awareness, your graceful movements through time and space, your word, your morals and ethics, your stewardship and environmentalism, your tolerance, your compassion, and your gratitude to forgiveness ratio. I could go on, citing myriad details, the fine print of ownership in such esoteric areas as love, relationships, work, service, stress management, etc. but I will assume that here, at the crossroads of buying and selling, you are a motivated buyer.

As I am. Cash in hand.

Yet, as the confessional window slides open, I continue to make the same mistakes ad naseum. Mea maxima culpa. On a strange dimorphic Mobius strip surface, I am the fly. Life is the swatter. Should I decide (science has yet to award savant status to the housefly) to stay in my present circumstance, not heed the warnings, see the innuendo and learn from the mistakes of the past, I will end up splattered. A sentient life ended as a direct result of inability to change.

My inability to effectively deal with my addictions will cause similar results. There. Have I taken ownership? No, not quite. While a noble attempt, this is still the first phase. I swim in the river of denial. It has been my working motto that I can, and please tell me if this sounds familiar, work hard, be socially responsible, help others, pay my bills and taxes, do no harm, stay curious and creatively connected, exercise regularly, eat as good as budget will allow and be generally happy…and end every day with a ration of low alcohol pale ale. I was appalled when this seemingly benign habit was professionally diagnosed as an ‘alcohol dependent’ status by the staff given the assignment by my cardiology department to investigate the pathology of my ‘non cardiological symptoms’, or what we call in layman’s terms, feeling like shit all the time. Flies gather.

They, the good docs, found nothing to report other than the box on the questionnaire asking for number of drinks per day. Where it seems that I fall into a category of dependency as a result of my consumption (where I double the daily allowable volume of two). Yikes. Cause a guy to drink.

Yet I know this to be true. Last night was another example of what happens when I, innocent of criminal intent, said something in a twisted attempt at humor, that was so inappropriate and flat-out stupid that there followed the dreaded ‘pregnant pause’ of disbelief. I had done it again. Lubricated by over consumption and free to embarrass, I took full advantage and won another instant Oscar for best supporting actor playing the fool. In front of an audience of friends I sincerely adore.

The reason is that I will not take ownership for it. I will find something else or someone else to blame. I will portend that my three workout sessions during the day serve as legitimate reasons to ‘celebrate’. I will offer that the relentless psychic stress of this day and age provide a prescription for self medication and that should I choose sobriety during this global nightmare, insanity would surely ensue. So I rationalize that being drunk is better than being crazy. Damn, even Hobson would choose a beer!

This is all bullshit and a total cop-out, however accepted by our over-caffeinated, over-medicated, on-edge society.

Take ownership. Or be splattered.