“There are thousands, maybe millions of references on the very issues which confront you. You have the option of seeking them out, judging their relative merits, matching their experiences with those of your own and thereby, as a result of this effort on your part, advance the holistic acumen of the ever-changing, growing, living and breathing, work of art that you call yourself.”
I get a blank look in response, augmentation of insult speeding towards injury. Like an airman getting chewed out over something seemingly petty and unimportant.
“That fucking hurt.”
“You still cling to outdated thoughts about the truth being easy? You feel that all of this you should already know and have the sensitivity, wisdom and courage to execute perfect responses on demand?”
“You don’t have to rub it in may face, I know I have made some mistakes.”
“I am only ‘rubbing’ the options of growth, of continual improvement, the lessons of learning from our mistakes, taking those lessons and moving on, leaving the guilt, emotion, embarrassment and humiliation behind. Otherwise you are doomed to repeat them….on and on and on, eventually leading you to the gloriously magnificent day when you fess up, face off and look deep into the eyes of the demon that currently pulls the strings of your emotional stasis like a puppeteer.”
“But it hurts, this is painful, I feel like a total loser with nowhere to go and nothing positive or constructive to do. Everything is bleak and frustratingly difficult. I want it to stop.”
“Then stop it.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It is. It is also the hardest thing you will ever ask of yourself to do. Pick one.”
“Pick one, what?”
“Choose to stay in your self imposed hell and pile on guilt, with fear and helplessness as penance for your sins, stay in the downward spiral that is about to crash and burn into flames, but first load up with toxins that numb and desensitize your awareness, or….”
“What?”
“Choose to accept the facts of the past as reality, forgive them, and start this day, THIS VERY INSTANT, in peaceful recognition of your human nature, taking the first step towards salvation. Your salvation. Open your chute. Breathe deep, forgive those you (erroneously) feel have harmed you, liberally sprinkle a C5 load of gratitude to your actions and more forward with kindness, awareness and joy.”
“All that might be above my pay grade.”
“Two ways to find out, basic airman.”
I finish brushing my teeth, take one last look in the mirror, and snap a crisp salute.
“Yes, sir.”
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