Point in That Direction

Part of the issue has to do with everyone dealing with different issues. No one really knows what someone else is struggling with as they pass judgment. There are so many areas needing improvement that we sometimes become overwhelmed as a result of thinking that we must fix them all immediately. And please, when I use the plural it is because I can only assume that most people are - to varying degrees - playing their hands from the same deck that dealt mine. What have we got?

We have anxieties, fears, phobias, pain, suffering, doubt, dread and past due bills. We have rent, interest, inflation, taxes, repair costs, levys, penalties, traffic citations, insurance premiums and surcharges. We have corrupt politicians, dishonest cops, a compromised media, organized crime and environmental terrorism, as well as war, which today is truly hell. 

How the heck are we supposed to rise above all these painful realities of modern life and be happy, feel safe and embrace the creative imperative?

My most recent round of malaise is truly frustrating. Starts with a pain in my chest and then moves around to arms and hands. The chronic inflammation in my lower left back snakes around past the piriformis and down my leg to my quadriceps. Together they feel like a five-alarm fire with the smokey residue clouding my brain like London fog. I cannot think straight, remember what I was just doing or relax enough to calm nerves or properly regulate breathing. But it never knocks me out. It’s like I take a million jabs but never get the killer right hook. 

Throughout all this, I try my best to maintain a positive attitude that might, somehow, inspire others. That is what I do. I am a coach, a teacher and a mentor. I am training partner to a hundred people all looking, wanting, a respectable role model as they fight their own good fights. I cannot let them down simply because I am dealing with an un-diagnosed malady that keeps ample oxygen from my already overworked brain. 

I concentrate on what is right in front of me, this fork, that issue, my breathing, our circumstance. I have great faith that somehow, as long as I am able to show up and practice awareness, things will miraculously work out OK. I make mistakes, forget things, lose my way, trip and fall. Yet here I am.

I made some mistakes yesterday.

I have already made a few today.

I will make more tomorrow. 

But I try. I try to smile. I want to laugh. I love to learn. I so wish to be in the flow of life’s wonder and majesty. 

I will fail. 

I will fall.

I will forget.

But I promise to get back up and keep trying. And most importantly, I will remain grateful that I have the ability to forgive. I will try to remember to forget. 

I will point in the direction I wish to go.