Forgive Yourself First

Of the 253 days since January 1, on which I have posted on 99% of them, it has finally happened. I now know why. 

You might, or might not, recall that yesterday I was in a bitter and cantankerous mood. Nothing went according to plan and everything seemed a bit off. Something was’t right, or as right as I expected it to be. Granted I set the bar high, my moment to moment awareness and flow rated MUCH higher than monetary stock market change or assessed worth of the few remaining possessions I own with actual resale value, so I know when the difference between bitter and better means attitude. And this was that!

After writing yesterday’s dark race report I sat down to watch some college football and debrief. It was the start of the second half, I missed the first due to peak-season complications with the Washington State Ferries (putting it mildly) another of the events contributing to my distemper. The Huskies were playing like I felt, like dog poop. As I sat, watched and wondered, an idea came to me. 

Analyze what happened, identify the cause of concern, and take corrective measures to insure its proper correction. 

I am suddenly the head coach of my mood. I see that the reasons behind my foul attitude, my stinking thinking and my self-induced gloom is EXACTLY what successful coaches deal with every game. What are we (you) doing that we might correct to put ourselves (you) in a better position for success? Just because something randomly took place while you were in the vicinity doesn’t necessary mean it was your fault. Co-incidence isn’t always conspiracy. You forgot to bring a vital piece of camera equipment to a race and it’s the end of civilization? You are weak and fatigued during an event that you did not properly train or taper for? Someone said something that offends your sense of righteousness? Did someone post a FB comment that you interrupted too sensitively? Or did we (you) simply miss a tackle and allow a score? 

Stop feeling like everything has to be perfect to be good. It never will be. Play the best you can, where you are with what you’ve got to work with. Do it with a solid and sincere sense of gratitude and do it with humility and grace. The sign on the church marquee read: He who forgives first - ends the conflict. 

Forgive yourself first. It took me 252 days of writing all this crazy stuff down to get to that conclusion. 

We have 113 to go.