The Courage to Do

To this day I remain under the influence. Many years ago, most likely during my ‘spiritual maturation’ phase, I read a quote by Dan Millman from his seminal Peaceful Warrior saga, a quote that lives in me to this moment. 

I bring this up because a very dear friend of mine is going through a rough time. He is in the darkness of indecision and despair. He feels helpless, lost, confused and ready to throw in the towel. His wife of 15 years and his son of similar age live under the same roof, but are total strangers, choosing avoidance instead of communication to solve their many issues. In a word their relationships are toxic. My advice has been consistent for the last five years when the writing on the wall became legible, ‘get out’. I have used the quasi-excuse that it is his/their path and any involvement, counsel, judgment or intervention on my part is hypocritical and intrusive. But in our conversation yesterday I noticed another level of his despair and frustration when he told me that his son, being relentlessly reminded by his mother that his father is a loser, no longer even speaks to him. To be blunt, when I was 15 I didn’t think my Dad was so great either, this being a combination of his treatment of Mom and my rebellion towards him as a authoritarian and baseball coach. So I get it. To many adolescent males their biggest fear is maturing into a man of lesser stature than their father. 

We were in the driveway exchanging the usual closing comments when he said that he didn’t know what to do about the nightmare of his existence. 

I said ‘I think you do.’

He looked at me with the double-edged visage of pity and fear and asked what I meant.

You know what to do, you just won’t, for whatever reasons, do it. You are paralyzed by analysis, in fear of change’s firm grip and too weak to be strong in the one moment when strength is exactly what called for. Pull the trigger. Push the button. Cowboy up dude. 

I was entering the place I promised I would not go, the chamber of tough love. But I continued, ‘do you remember the time we went to see Dan Millman talk in Seattle?’

Yeah.

Do you remember what he said about knowledge and wisdom?

Not really.

He said, ‘Knowledge is knowing what to do. Wisdom is doing it.’

Silence.

You know what you must do. Find the courage to do it.