Good Choice

There are times when I look back upon key decisions I’ve made and wish I could buy a re-do. With several of them I would pay handsomely for a second chance. When I heard a missive credited to Maya Angelou yesterday, it soothed, somewhat, a few of my rear-view mirror embarrassments, up to and possibly including, even a humiliating one or two. She says:

What I did then I did with the best intel I had. Now that I know better, I do better.

That is such a wonderful point of view. Certainly we must assume responsibility for our actions, especially the ones that fall under the ‘errors of omission’ or ‘what was I thinking’ categories. Personally, most of these case files reveal that it was plainly obvious that what I was thinking at the time of action was painfully little, clouded by alcohol, drugs, youth, immaturity, runaway hormones or mis-directed attempts at humor, or some combination of all of the above. I do a little better these days.

I bring this up today because the essay on one of the major turning points in my life (so far) was the one I re-told a few days ago under the title Go Huskies. Certainly there has been other decisions, up to or equalling that pivotal one, in other perhaps more important areas, but I always default to that moment as one that shaped the future for me more than any others. I guess it revealing that it is a love instance and not a money, fame or disaster moment of truth. 

Almost immediately after writing the post I started to consider whether or not I had done it justice. After all, one of the basic drills central to all this ‘open your heart and bare your soul to the world’ ritualistic daily effort of creative writing, is to both become better at telling stories, and then dissecting them for accuracy, content, meaning, consequence, truth, beauty and result. If any.

It was during the latter phase of retro analysis, editing, that I started to address the consequence issue. More precisely, of those decisions I’ve made considered in the top five of lifetime relative importance, how many had lasting positive value? ANY?

Rephrasing the question I look closer, how has that decision affected everything that has come after it? Or, the more common question, given the chance would I change it? 

Remembering, re-reading and re-considering all this as it relates to that singular circumstance, I can honestly say that I would do it again, in the same way, giving the same response. 

Which makes it a touch more understandable, or at least forgivable, when I feel so non-plussed at the recent success of the Washington Capitols, the Golden State Warriors or that horse that won the Triple Crown. 

The University of Washington Husky baseball team, however, is in the College World Series for the first time in their 100 year history. 

I made the right choice and I’m sticking with it. Looking back, thanks Julie.