Nothing to Hide

127.

Having nothing to hide provides and additional layer of power. My position, by the very nature of its requirements, asks for the synergy of two critical polar extremes; unblinking dedication to the mission and complete transparency. This pair of intangibles, the yin and yang of our spy versus spy reality, is the backbone of our operation. It is a combination so packed with paradox and complex tangential possibilities that at some point in one’s career trajectory, the chances are good that one will inadvertently err by either commission or omission. It is, as they suitably say, the nature of the beast. 

In the adolescence of my tenure with this unit bravado and brains were enough to accomplish the myriad ever-changing challenges of keeping those already corrupted by greed, power, racism and war separated from those who haven’t yet made up their minds. It was a simple post cold-war scenario of good versus bad, evil vs virtue and us vs them. It was a particularly insidious political strategy that required the military machine to fully prosper only when there was a well defined enemy with which to wage war. We invented this artificial enemy with Russia, communism, China, drugs, socialism, hippies, black power, genocide and any flavor other than vanilla. It has recently been considered that America’s history has been a long and violent debate over the rights of former slave owners and their unwillingness to let go of their self-proclaimed entitlements and privilege. 

I find this situation appalling. It grates at the center of my soul and creates an internal daily dichotomy of epic proportions. I have come to a personal understanding in the acceptance of this unholy reality that allows me to both recognize the hypocrisy and perform the duties of my high-ranking position in law enforcement. I am dedicated to the oath I took upon graduation, to uphold and defend, from foreign and domestic, bearing true faith and allegiance, an obligation I freely take without mental reservation, to faithfully discharge my duties. So help me God. Over the years I have amended this to include the two mentioned earlier - to accomplish the mission by whatever means necessary and to remain open, honest and clear as plexiglass. 

These are the ingredients I, once again, mix and match with my current situation. I am walking unhurriedly through the busy arc of DuPont Circle towards what could be an ambush. The slimeball Senator overseeing our charter has to justify the brutal murder of two secret service agents. In arena’s other than the political a traditional tactic is to CYA. Somebody downstream must take the fall to satisfy the revengeful blood-thirst of ignorant rubes watching Fox News, the people who vote these career hacks into office. 

Times like these open a door in my imagination that suggests I could better serve the ideals documented by the founders as a non-fiction writer exposing the decades-long series of atrocities and criminal actions of a government bereft of ethical morality. I should have followed Chomsky closer instead of Colby and Casey. A cabbies caterwaul shakes me back to the present moment. One should not meditate on the philosophy of political science while navigating the streets of DC on foot. 

After the casual three mile stroll I arrive at the Capitol Hill office of the Senator where I check my badge, weapon and cell phone with the assigned security. In the conservatively decorated lobby I find TOM, Julie and one of our senior division lawyers all sitting on overstuffed armchairs with floral print. They look at me and nod, TOM pointing to a chair left intentionally vacant to his immediate right. I try to read a motive into this by looking at Julie but she is wearing her poker face today.

“Have a seat Bogart,” TOM uses as an alternative welcome. 

“Good afternoon everyone,” I open to collective toothless and patronizing smiles, “game plan?”

“I will take the lead, your mission is to tell the truth when called upon.”

Having nothing to hide I feel empowered to do exactly that.