All Ears

All ears. Mostly. 

For me, one of the most difficult social situations is accepting compliments - this for reasons somewhat obscure, but probably stemming from the fact that I am never TOTALLY satisfied with finished products. Also for results, major or minor works of art or a thousand other examples. I am of the belief that there is always something that I could have, and many times should have, done differently, better, or with a finer degree of detail. That is the way that i am. It could also demonstrate why I believe so stubbornly in practice, my belief that this is a journey and not a trip with the destination being the doing and not the done. The getting there and not the destination. The struggle is important to me. It represents meaning, focus, choice and freedom. As we say, if it was easy everybody would be dong it. This trite cliche is reinforced every day as we watch people celebrate their Phyrric victories, seemingly successful in their wins over intellectual, moral or ethical challenge. In an appalling state of mathematical ignorance, doubling-down on the dummy-down seems to be pathetically in vogue. 

I simply feel almost always that I can do better. Way better and way more. More authentic maybe, creating something completely unique, filled with meaning, purpose and joy. Further, all this for the smallest of audiences, myself. If I can hear the message and it excites neurons and tickles imagination, if I can judge it as truthful, appropriate and to the standards established by the true craftsmen of the trade, I will rest, pleased and satisfied. You might respond to this rather strict assessment by saying that perhaps I might trade this high standard for more appreciation of whatever accomplishment this is a part of, the bigger, broader work in progress, and you would be right. It is, after all, something. Or, digging deeper, is the solution in balance? While I never want to close the door on the possibility of one day producing something of value, dare I say a masterwork, this path of practice on the journey towards it should be appreciated as an important means to that end. Therefore I should be tickled pink that someone would care enough to comment on a part of that larger, future masterpiece, even if their quip was oblivious to it. 

I wonder if this is a common response, or if I have all the while been oblivious to some sinister neurosis? Basically doesn’t it come down to the artist, whether musician, sculptor, author, athlete or poet wondering aloud if they are good enough? Don’t we all want to make the grade, prove ourselves on a higher stage of meaning or reach the apex of our potential? It really shouldn’t be so hard to say thank you when a compliment is tossed in our direction. And as a matter of writing through the issue as therapy I believe as a result of this Sunday morning exercise that I have come to a conclusion. 

I know from years of experience that athletes especially need constant feedback. Encouragement and constructive commenting on the quality of their practice. We say, way to go, atta boy, nice work, great job to establish a positive emotional trending in their effort and awareness. Every artist knows the value in finding that magical place we call the flow state, a place that provides fertile ground for growth. But this is preface. My melodramatic conclusion, the daily catharsis, is this, in two parts: 

Part One: Accept with all the humility and humanity you are capable of any all comments. Especially those offering suggestions and alternative possibilities. And even more importantly those of a non-constructive nature. 

Part Two: For me this is the biggie: Stay with your practice. This is, after all, how we improve at anything. We practice. We do. We persist. We notice, and we grow. We walk down the path and take notes. 

Take good notes and keep your ears open.