Boys will be Boys

One of my former (and favorite) girlfriends had three kids when we met, three boys. Unceremoniously it was suggested that I could assist in the management of this totally chaotic circumstance by, well, helping out. It seems that I had again failed to read the fine print in the contract mandating responsibilities in our relationship. To my credit (perhaps) I tried.

Of the many situations that I recall, some humorous, some dramatic, was the game I officiated called "Silence". You can probably guess the nature, object and rules of the game without me spilling those beans, but I use this opening parable as precursor of another, so please indulge me. I'll try to keep it short and on-point.

The three boys, two of them twins, and I would sit in a circle, legs folded underneath. The game was to test our inner strength and self discipline, difficult and challenging concepts to many adults let alone ten year old boys. The nanosecond that one of the competitors made a sound, they were eliminated and had to lay on their back with crossed arms as the contest continued. Did I mention that the eventual winner of the three round sets would get two scoops of ice cream instead of the standard single? Being the umpire, moderator and enforcer of rules I would attempt to coerce a verbal reaction in order to add additional drama to the event. The results were always 'mixed'. Sometimes Mom would get her much needed and deserved quality time with herself and other times the games would end in bench clearing brawls. Boys, as they say, will be boys.

Last week, after a 2x20 set in the PowerBarn, as we sat, recovered and talked, I mentioned the mental aspect of our game, the ability to stay focused, to isolate the positive and to block out background noise, all playing major roles in the successful completion of a set, race or event. Another countered with the weak, 'I need the music to stay motivated and distracted from the pain.' While still another offered the idea of 'flow in motion with a free spirit.' All good, and all wholesome training goals.

At the completion of our caucus there remained one person unmoved by the discourse, not quite connecting all the tangential dots. He was defending his 'no pain - no gain' principle that had served him well for almost four decades. I asked if the ability to stay focused is part of that commandment. He said no, you either have it, or you don't, and it is not a necessary component to victory. If you are big enough, strong enough and fast enough - that is enough.

We all sat in silence, accepting his opinions while keeping respectful of his right to offer ideas and experience. ALL THE WHILE KNOWING HE IS MISSING AN IMPORTANT POINT.

Cautiously, and perhaps recklessly, I asked if he meditated. He gave the answer I was anticipating. I then asked if he counted breaths. Again the negative. When he asked what that meant I offered a sample:

It is an ancient, proven and productive training technique, popularized, if not perfected by the Samurai, that builds power from one's ability to focus, and most importantly, to stay focused. Surely you see how that could be an important skill in say, hand to hand combat? The practice is to sit quietly and do nothing but count your breaths with closed eyes, from one to ten. When the mind wanders, and it will, simply start over. One inhale and one exhale counts as one. It is very difficult but an amazingly beneficial and valuable tool to have mastery of.

'Sounds dumb, my time would be better spent doing some squats.'

'Maybe', I said, thinking boys will be boys.