Tools of the Tirade

As you are aware, I have primary care responsibility for my soon-to-be 86 year old father. The speed with which his sacropenia has, like a thief in the night, crept in and absconded with his muscle mass, is criminal. He is suffering from the ravages of dementia, the rate of which, they tell me, varies dramatically from person to person, case to case. Sometimes I have to answer the same question three times before he accepts either the reality, the meaning or the pending action necessary as a result of the Q&A to the third power. Left alone his eating habits would consist of a regular diet of Cheerios, cheap red wine and Swisher Sweets. His idea of hydration looks like water in free fall from a dam spillway, or a rotating sprinkler head watering a thirsty lawn. How he has made it this far, and remember he received from his father the same heart arrhythmia that I received from him, is a testimony to the power of gristle.

He is a tough guy, proud of his Irish DNA and ready to eat nails if the cause was right. He raised six kids. As much as he prefers to call himself a (republican and conservative) capitalist, he sees no irony in is bankruptcy and loss of property from the 2008 financial fiasco.

But he is Dad, and you only get one, so I do the best that I can, despite his sometimes bellicose treatment of his medication manager, head cook, butler, chauffeur, house cleaner, financial controller, and holder of medical power of attorney.

I have acted in this capacity for roughly the same amount of time that his current hero, his president, has been in office. They share numerous character similarities, so many in fact that space limitations keep me from listing them all here at one time. And while this no longer irritates me as it once did, we do occasionally 'talk about it'.

But even when I 'win', I still lose. He isn't going to change. He still thinks the wall should be subsidized by pesos and Hillary should be locked up. When I ask about adultery, treason, nepotism, corruption, environmental pollution (see photo), the price of gas, ICE, Russia, the collateral damage resulting from lax automatic weapons laws, the use of a militarized police force, or any number of this administration's atrocities, felonious or simply gross dereliction of the standards of dignity, ethics, morals, compassion or leadership, he shrugs, and blames Obama.

All that I have read and heard in regard to senior care indicates that the single most important tool in the care providers tool box is the one called, the 'don't take anything personally and take time for yourself', tool.

I personally use the Snap-On, heavy-duty, adjustable, bullet-proof, 3/4 drive ratchet with a 9/16 deep-well socket for this.

That and ear plugs.